


More Than I Deserve

by Skatearound



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 19:11:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9398975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skatearound/pseuds/Skatearound
Summary: Dick and Logan talk at the beach house between Carrie’s death and the movie.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own the characters, I’m just trying to figure them out.

I deserve all the love you can spare me. And I want a lot more than I deserve.  
Dashiell Hammett

Logan’s car might be in the garage, but the beach house is dark and quiet, so he’s probably out driving around. Dick gets it, Logan has to do something and he doesn’t drink any more. Dick parks in the driveway, lets himself in and changes clothes. When he pulls a Corona out of the refrigerator and pops a lime in the neck, he realizes the neat bowl of lime slices wasn’t there in the morning. The house glows with the eerie peach light of sunset and he grabs and plates the Mexican food he brought, one for him and one for the shadowed figure sitting in the deck chair. Tucking his beer against his chest and fearing the worst, he walks out on the deck.   
Logan doesn’t move. There is a Corona and lime on the table next to him untouched, a bottle of expensive bourbon unopened, an empty highball glass and a pint glass of water, half-empty.   
Dick screws up his courage, walks around the table to the second chair and puts the plates on the table. Make no mistake, Dick would love to go on a bender with Logan and end up hungover and surfing some morning days from now. It may be what he wants most in the world, but he thinks it might kill Logan, so no. He isn’t, well he is an idiot but he isn’t stupid. He remembers Lynn in her bikini, talented and vain and always with a drink in her hand and dead. He knows what Carrie’s death means to Logan. He’s afraid if he moves too quickly Logan will grab the bourbon and leave. He’s no longer hungry but he takes a bite of his taco and it sits in his mouth like salt clay and then he swallows and hopes it will eventually go all the way down.  
“I never told you what happened on the roof of the Grand with Cassidy.”  
Dick chokes, what the fuck, where did that come from? Logan looks over, pushes Dick’s beer towards him and Dick takes a swallow and sputters “No? You said…”  
“There’s more to it.” Logan was looking straight into the western ocean, only a thin orange line remained on the horizon. “I got him off Veronica and he said some things to her before I got there, she never told me all of it, but he raped her at that party.”  
Dick stuffed the other half of his taco in his mouth so he could brace himself on his knees. He remembers drunk Veronica and taunting Beaver. “I didn’t think he’d do it.” Dick chokes out. Logan’s head whips around and he starts to stand up and Dick can’t help but flinch. He knows Logan can beat him up, even before the Navy. When Dick cringes Logan drops back down in the beach chair. “He dropped the gun and Veronica picked it up. I thought she was going to kill him and got her to…told her she wasn’t a killer. “Logan shut his eyes, grimacing. “What did you mean, Dick?” Logan’s voice was a dangerous sound, a bomber approaching a city, a shark in the water.  
“This might not be the time to think about Veronica, man.” Dick had never heard Logan growl before. “I meant…some of us, me and…I gave Madison the drug you gave me but she didn’t drink it, fucking diet soda freak, gave it to someone,” Shit, Veronica, maybe, that would explain some things, “and I was bored. I found Veronica up in a room and pushed Be...Cass to have sex with her because we thought he was a fairy. I didn’t think he could.” Dick is staring at Logan. Logan’s face is completely still but he’s crying, Dick isn’t sure how that happens but it’s fucking creepy.  
“Dick, you know that what you were trying to do with Madison was rape, don’t you?”  
Dick is genuinely surprised. “No, man, she was my girlfriend.” This isn’t going well, he thought. Maybe he should feel bad but sex, it wasn’t like he was going to hurt her. “I wasn’t going to hurt her.” It sounds lame when he says it to Logan’s face.  
“And Veronica…”  
“Shit, Logan, I’m sorry. It maybe made Cassidy crazy, too. Veronica’s like that.”  
“Fuck you Dick.” Logan sighs. “I think I did, too. This salt lick we did, that’s sexual assault, Dick. I got dragged over the coals for it in rehab, but they were right. We were an embarrassment to pigs. All of us.”  
“We were guys at a party and you were mad at her, she deserved it, Logan. The guys said it was hilarious.”   
“On the roof I got the gun and Cass went to the edge. I told him not to and he asked me to give him a reason not to jump. I couldn’t and he jumped, Dick. I didn’t even know how much he’d done.”  
Logan hadn’t seen the mess Dick saw on the sidewalk, still Logan was his friend and better than, well he flew jets and Dick took drugs. “He was going to die anyway, blowing up that plane and the bus, Logan. It was better.”  
“Give me a good reason not to jump, Dick.”   
A cold chill flashed over him, and then a wave of panic. Dick didn’t believe in God, but he started bargaining in his head. “You didn’t kill anyone. I know you didn’t. Not Carrie, you tried to take care of her.”   
Logan got up and picked up his water glass. “I’m tired of this shit.” 

“I … need you.” Dick said desperately, quickly, before he lost the moment. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I need you. You said once you wanted to see Veronica again. Or something, Logan, please.”  
“I didn’t think you’d ever bring that up.” Logan pulled out his phone and scrolled through his address book.  
“I try not to. Logan…?”   
“I’m all right for now, Dick. I’m going to call Veronica.”

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, when I started this they were going to talk about something completely different.


End file.
